Wednesday, January 7, 2015

new year dream

I still have dreams about you, happy dreams they are, dreams wherein we just saw each other then reconcilled and then kissed and we lived happily ever after. But on the day before the New Year, ive had basically the same dream but you cried when you saw me, yes, there was one teardrop that fell from your right eye. And you neeeeveeer cry!!! Thats the thing that strucked me. Since then i havent stopped thinking about you.

My friends tell me to let you make the first move and i just have to wait. Maybe you're not ready yet or you have a girlfriend or maybe you just really moved on (unlike me, obviously). What will happen, will happen. But sometimes i think i owe you that first move, since i was the one who broke up with you. Im sorry if ive given up that easily  that night when i told you to call it quits, gosh you dont know how badly i regret it until now.

I have loved you since that day when i called you my bestfriend. We were 12 then, wow 10 years have passed until now i have the same feelings for you, if not, only stronger. We saw each other when we were both invisible.

If this is not love, i dont know what is!! I always say to you then that i love you so much, actually, i love you too much.  I hated myself for letting you go and i hated you for letting me go. Now all i have are memories and evertytime i remember them, i feel like my heart is tearing in bits and pieces. I want to scream, i want to go to your whereabouts and find you, but i just cant, i cant because im a girl....and im afraid to hear you say that you dont feel the same way :( but if given a chance, i would. I would because i believe in our story i still have faith in you my love.

I wrote this because i know no one reads this blog, its basically for my sanity. Maybe there is a 5% chance that you might read this and if that happens, maybe thats God working His magic.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

After 4 years!!

Well hello there! It's been a while, a loooooong while since I last blogged, roughly 4 years! I am now 21 years old and a sem away from graduating college. Yes, life is good! I won't say that it's been perfect but it's goooooood :)

Actually I've been thinking about blogging again for the longest time, but I can't seem to fit it in my life again. But hey look at me now, thinking and typing. Oh how I missed this!
One of the reason why I got back is cos I am currently reviewing for my CPA Board Exam and I just need to have an activity to direct some of my energy but still keepin my mind working during my study breaks.( my dorm room was not really as fun as I anticipated). Second, twitter's micro blogging and instagram's photoblogging can't seem to satisfy me enough. I just want to write and share my thoughts, though I know that there's a possibility that no one will read this, haha! And lastly, I am so inspired by so many good bloggers and writers out there thinking to myself, "Kat, you can do that too!"

Unlike my old posts, I would try to make the tone a little lighter this time. Whenever I read the old ones, I'm like "Who is that girl??" haha!

I am so excited to make this blog bigger and better! I have things lined up in my head, it makes me dance :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

i missed blogging

Hello everyone! i'm back. i havent had a post since April, well, i was busy, perhaps lazy but i missed that therapeutic feeling when im blogging, so, here I am again.
I never do a thing if I know I'm not so into it, so I needed to get that inspiration again before i returned here.

Pardon if this post will be full of "I"s.

So, it's 4 months till my big debut celebration, I am so thrilled with the venue,dress,guess lists, song choices, special numbers, photo shoots. I couldn't find a word enough to tell you how excited I am!! I want my party to be very simple yet regal and memorable for me and my guests. Above all, what really makes me happy is the part where I get to pick every single detail (since I am the youngest in my family, I never had that voice on decisions) so I am enjoying every minute of planning. 
In those four months that I wasn't active here, a few things have happened and realized. 
I lost a special friend that was the last person I could ever imagine leaving me. He's the most  genuine and so soft-hearted person I've known. We may be apart for this time and it's breaking my heart every time I remember, but he knows that I have reserved a corner in my heart just for him, only for him. He said he'll love me even after forever, so I'll wait for forever to end, till our time comes.

In the mean time, I'll focus on my studies and becoming a woman of substance that I've always dreamed of being, like my mom. Speaking of my mom, there are a lot of things that have happened since she left 9 months ago, I clean the house, do the laundry once in a while, basically kept the household together. I am now sure I really love cooking, and though I gave up my dream of becoming a professional chef to taking up Accountancy, I didn't regret it. I found out that I can cook even just here at our house. And the feeling I get when people say that my food is good and that my friends are proud of me is so rewarding.  

In my one year of blogging, I think this is one of the few posts that was very personal since I use songs or poetry to express my feelings. I am not sure if I'll change the theme of my blog or if I'll rename it or what. All I know is that I am now ready to make this better!

Welcome back to me!!:))


Friday, April 30, 2010

things are so bad, i couldn't put them in words...

Friday, April 16, 2010

my slippers

when i was a little girl,
i hang out with my friends on my slippers
it helped me through with teh running across the streets
and climbing over our neighbor's fences
we played every game we know, and laugh at each other's jokes
when mr. sun is about to go down,
i say "goodbye and see you next time" to my playing buddies
my mom must be at our doorsteps waiting for me
i went home with the dirty feet but with a happy heart

when i soon got to middle school
my slippers were called flipflops
and i dont play on streets anymore
my toe nails are colored and my hair is dyed
i use my fliflops to sneak in to my boyfriend's house
or go to malls with my bff's around the town

now, im turning eighteen,
i dont know where my slippers will bring me
but i hope, it'll be to beautiful places
or vacations i've alway wanted

every season, i understand i have to change
my slippers and my perspectives
i was not taught how to dream,
but i started it since i was a girl
dreaming for success and a woderful man
from slippers to stilettos!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

ancient unimportant history

now i know that

moving on is different from letting go

Thursday, April 8, 2010

distance and time

You are always on my mind

all I do is count the days
where are you now?
I know I never let you down
I will never go away
I really wish that you'd stay but what can we do
all the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you
and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

No matter how far you are
no matter how long it takes him
through distance and time
I'll be waiting

and if you have to walk a million miles
I'll wait a million days to see you smile
distance and time, I'll be waiting
will you take a train, to meet me where I am
are you on your way?
I will never do anything to hurt you
I'll never live without you
You are always on my mind
all I do is count the days
where are you now?
watch the video here:)

Friday, April 2, 2010


For the past few days, I'm learning to say goodmoring to myself and to God everytime I wake up. After a good night's sleep, starting the day with an open heart and free spirit can boost your energy for the coming day. Well, we don't know what that day has to offer us so better start it beautifully.

Well, it's holy week, the least I can do is to pray every morning and night, that can never amount to how Jesus have suffered. While I was in the church yesterday, I realized that His suffering was a no-joke, He suffered big time to save me, to save us. Even through all of that, Jesus neveer complained, so who am I to complain. The hardships and pain I have gone through and will go through my lifetime is just a tiny bit compared to His.

I have read a bunch of good inspirational books, and I am trying to share them to the people who I think are lost or want to know God more like I do.

Love moves in mysterious ways,
It's always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I love you for the rest of my days,
It's always a mystery
How you ever came to me,
Which only proves,
Love moves in mysterious ways.

I thought of changing it to..

God moves in mysterious ways,
It's always so surprising
How God appears over the horizon.
I love God for the rest of my days,
It's always a mystery
How God ever came to me,
Which only proves,
God moves in mysterious ways.



Wednesday, March 31, 2010

time understands love

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge and all the others...including Love. One day it was announced to all the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the sea. So all the feelings prepares their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave.. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked "Richness, can I come with you in your boat?" Richness answered "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you.". Then love decided to ask Vanity, for help who was passing with a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, " Vanity, help me please." I can't help you, you are all wet and will damage my beautiful  boat". Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you."  Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry but I need to be alone now." then, Love saw Happiness, Love cried out, but he was soo overjoyed that he cannot hear Love callin to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will tkae you with me". It was an elder. Love felt so happy she even forgot to ask who that elder was. When they arrived, Love realized how much she owed the elder, but it's too late, the elder was gone. Love then found knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", "But why did Time helped me when no one else wouldn't?" Love asked. Knowledge smiles and with a deep wisdoma nd sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

This is a re-post, i just saw it while I was browsing for a privilege speech in our class.

Whether falling in love or moving on form it, all we need is the perfect time. But also, take note that Time is just an aid, we need to work on it  ourselves also.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Risk, it’s kinda small and easy thing to deal with until I had hardships myself.

I’m afraid, you can’t blame me.

Now I know that really, life is a waiting game. A love that started bad will end badly. You just have to wait until you can restart fresh and new to not be able to commit the same old mistakes again. \

Time and Love goes hand in hand.

I know it has been a while since my last post, it’s just that my life is turning upside down these past few weeks.

Now I understand that, the more you go deeper in your faith, the more problems you’ll have. Sometimes, I think that it is too much for me to handle but come to think of it, these burdens maybe more than I would like to bear but less than I can take, I know im strong, I can get through this. I just don’t know when.

MOTIVES, we can never tell a person’s motives until and unless we’re in that person’s shoes or at least read minds. No one really knows what is going on a person’s mind when he\she does things. We can neither say its good nor bad. And, it is excruciating to know that the people who don’t know you can easily judge you, I never knew how hard it was until I experienced it myself.

I have no problem in getting over little fights with my sisters, but then, it is very painful to me that they actually think that I have no concern at all for our family. Im 17, I know things, I’m not a little girl anymore who just eat and sleep at our house. Atleast, I should have a say on what’s going on our household, especially, our mom is not around for quite some time. The only thing I wanna say, and I haven’t said this one, I wish they can realize that I also think for the betterment of everybody. And I am tired of showing them my brave face when actually, I’m breaking inside every time that we fight. Besides, they don’t know how hard it is to just be still and witness the changes in their lives, their decisions as well as the pressure of not redoing their mistakes.

I know, things will definitely not be the same again, but I miss the old times, I miss it when we were all just studying and dependent to our parents. Now, everybody’s movin out of the house and starting a new life, I feel for my parents, it’s as if, they’re leaving the three of us already.

So I guess I’ll have to plan my debut by myself. It’s sad but challenging. It’s very ironic that I want to be independent but also dependent at some point. I can’t even figure it out myself.

This summer, I want to earn my own money (I hope I can find a way how to) so that I can prove to my family and the people, that I can get things done with my own efforts with no one backing me up. Also, I want to bond with my old friends and have a time of our lives.


Monday, March 1, 2010

made 100 steps forward and 101 steps backward

Monday, February 22, 2010


miss halfway now:

greets more people
tries making time efficient 
does the things not usual
putting priorities first
sets aside worries
breaks new grounds
wants to make more change 

Monday, February 8, 2010

The wind can blow hard and cover our face. At the time, we won’t be able to see clearly, irrationalized judgments, unparallel perceptions.

It’s really amazing how my last week have turned out. I was studying harder than ever for our exams, suddenly deleting my facebook account for no reaason, unexpected calls from a past person in my past relationship in my past life, a very high longing for my mother and a bunch of feuds with my sisters. But well, im ok now.

At those tough times, I tend to see no light in that darkness, but i was left very proud of myself, my faith kicked in! remember, last post I was talking about me praying for enough faith?. Well, now I should say, yes there is no such thing as enough faith but also, the littlest faith can put you through your darkest days. Why worry when you can pray?

Last Thursday, I actually didn’t know how to push through, but look, its already Monday, and I got over it.

Also, the homily last night put my faith one step farther, I learned, God’s help sometimes doesn’t interfere unless we’re loosing hope and we feel we have nothing. But the moment we think we’ve done our part, surrendering everything to Him is an undeniably good option to think about.

God Bless us all!:)


Saturday, January 30, 2010

better best

People really cannot settle for less, we can never have enough

We cannot have enough things to accomplish, money to spend, love to give, empathy to care, faith to become saints and many more. I think it is not that we want everything, but it’s man’s nature. We wish we have more.

This week, in my business organization class, the mentor wanted us to have a speech about leadership. I think I did great, but I wish could have done it better. Well, it’s done I cannot go back through time. But the point is, I know in myself , I’m better than that so next time, ill give my better best!

Sometimes, when I feel I’m at the peak of my faith, I pray. “Lord, I hope I’ve stored enough faith that can help me through the coming storms you planned for me”. But in time I proved that wrong, we cannot have enough faith, because God doesn’t give easy undertakings, He gives us the toughest ones, tougher than the last ones, more than we can imagine. The faith I’ve stored will somehow fall short. Giving me this ever-wanting feeling to acquire more faith every day I wake up in the morning,

I find it strange when I ask people “Are you happy?” Then they’ll say ”Yes, super happy”…after few months, asking them the same question..they’ll say “I’m happier than ever!” I therefore conclude, we can never have enough happiness, the happier we are now, the more we expect to be happier in the future.

We cannot do enough good, the moment we slip or just one fatal mistake, everything you’ve earned, they’re all erased and you’re back to zero again.

We cannot have enough love, the heart can stop beating and give up.or, the love a person has is not enough to make another love him/her back. Sometimes, love's just ain't enough.It’s a sad realization.

Also, I should say, we can never have enough experiences and knowledge. If experience is the best teacher, that teacher will not give the same exam questions over and over again right? is like an never ending textbook full of drills and problem exercises, we can never have enough of them to say we’re already good and that we know everything.

Things are just not enough.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

we all are like a child

When we’re little, we all are afraid of the dark because of the monsters our parents used to get us to sleep. When we grow older, there are worse monsters: loneliness, heartaches, regrets and a whole bunch of problems that big people needs to face. Those are bigger monsters that still can make us afraid of the dark even we think we’re all good and stronger.

Sleeping is the easiest thing to do, you just have to close your eyes. But for some, it is the hardest thing to even grasp. The dark is scary that makes even re-opening the eyes is frightening knowing you’re all alone in the room, that somebody’s carefully watching you just waiting for his right timing to attack and hurt you,

But there are people, around us who are willing to not to go anywhere and leave us, people who wants to give their best shot on us, people who loves us though we can’t give them more than just our attention. All we need to do is to realize, we are not alone.

It is time to break grounds, set new parameters and be open to change. It is never awkward to be alone in the dark, we all have down and scary moments. It is ok to be afraid just like a child, it is ok only if you’ll get back to your normal self and realize that after the dark, there comes a light. It is not always night time, soon, dusk will come and the monsters that we made ourselves will be gone,

Friday, January 8, 2010

the end where we begin

Time brings us joys and sorrows, love and heartaches, victories and disappointments. As 2010 approaches, I am so excited of what this year has to offer me. Yes, I have learned a lot from the past year but knowing how to apply it at the same time not ruining the present situation is a big dilemma for me. I wish I could make the right decisions this time.

INCONSISTENCY is my number one problem bout random things in my life right now, I’m used to plan a thing and think it over and over again in my mind then somehow I can make it happen and pull it off . After a while I lose interest and just stop doing it. I don’t if it’s what we call laziness. Maybe, I just really couldn’t stick on a thing and maintain that high commitment to get to the end or I’m just really good at planning but not on the “getting things done “ stage. This year, I wanna see clear and real results, I wanna see things change and improve before my eyes, and I cross my fingers for this and ofcourse work!


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

down under

I should have stopped,
I should have listened
I should have taken my time
I wish I didn't go down the line
Down to the last stream
It went out in a whim
I tried to hold on to it
But I think, I've danced the last beat
Doomed like a barren land
I couldn't do anything, so I ran
Through mountains, across pavements
Just to smell that precious scent again
I walked in my toes
Prick me hard, prick me harder
I'm numb and not feeling any better
I wish to sleep so I'll not feel it
I'm empty

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I wonder?...

This Cold winter Breeze
Never seize to stop this night
I feel like I really am in fright
This feeling I can't seem to understand
Maybe because I just miss you tonight.

I feel some weird things on my chest
as I write this poem on my desk
My arms, my legs continue to weaken
as my mind asks "when will I see you again?"

Oh My Sweetest,
After Knocking me off my feet,
My heart had an unhealable disease,
When I'm with you, is the only time it beats.

I wonder if the time would freeze,
can we fly together?, please?

Im sorry, I can't stop but to wonder
It's just so hard for my mind not to ponder.
alas, I end my poem with this thought I pondered
You are everything,
if you can't have nothing more,
then I'll be nothing more.
but your lover.

Monday, November 16, 2009

love caged

I had my fair share of my cryings and goodbyes,
The world saw how I got beyond the lines,
So I put my heart on a box and put it out of sight.

Just when I thought I was alone but fine, 
You caught me off guard, I never needed any sign.
But still I am afraid to give myself to love one more time.

You said I was your sweetest dream you ever had,
I say, I want you back so bad.
I am not saying my goodbye nor forever,
So can we wait a while longer?
Cause things can never be the same again,
But hey, I really can't complain.

If I can just travel through time,
I'll go back and just let us be.
It's all because of me, I'm sorry.

There is no need for us to rush,
Time can heal her broken heart
And whatever the he-says, she-says

Someday, there will be a time for us
When no question will be asked
And no conceiling of happiness in our masks.

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