I should have stopped,
I should have listened
I should have taken my time
I wish I didn't go down the line
Down to the last stream
It went out in a whim
I tried to hold on to it
But I think, I've danced the last beat
Doomed like a barren land
I couldn't do anything, so I ran
Through mountains, across pavements
Just to smell that precious scent again
I walked in my toes
Prick me hard, prick me harder
I'm numb and not feeling any better
I wish to sleep so I'll not feel it
I'm empty

When I woke up this morning, some things are now different. My mom isn't yelling at me telling me to do things  or go up from bed atleast, my dad is sleeping wth us in our room leaving the master's bedroom empty,  I got a passing grade from my Accounting subject, I have a new schedule for this coming semester. Yeah, I can tell, a whole new bunch of stuff is going on.

I have been swimming deeper down under my self-made ocean  for a little while letting myself vulnerable until I drowned, I was horrified when I knew, I was leaving in the past. Past people and past events, I have let them conquer my life. I know it's a lame and absurd thing that I must end..I was drowned and merely awackened.

Till last night, I was my daddy's little princess and my mommy's baby, well I am not saying that their princess and baby is gone, but let's say, I'm different now. Experienced. Changed.

I already know how to dream, dream for the future,myself's betterment. The past doesn't stand a chance on holding me back anymore, goodbye my yesteryear. And now I can say, I'm very ecstatic to worry about today's problem that can affect my tomorrow!

Isn't it nice to have someone
          ..whom you know will answer your midnight calls?
          ..remember your birth date?..your favorite color?
           ..who take note of the things that you like the most?
          ..who will never  fail to wish you had a good night sleep in the mornings?

well..that's really nice but sometimes.."The love for the unfamiliar and unideal draw people to make strange decisions..".

And sometimes, even if that "perfect and ideal" someone is already in front of you, you switch the game and choose the uncommon one.

I don't like playing safe..

But what is happening now that is somehow pushing me to change my belief?
Yes, I chose the unfamiliar, I stood for what I know was right and would make me happy but it seems like I also chose to be hurt?
I don't know...
May God bless me....

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear to fall
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

I have crossed a thousand bridges
In my search for something real
There were great suspension bridges
Made like spider webs of steel
There were tinny wooden trestles
And there were bridges made of stone
I have always been a stranger and
I've always been alone
There's a bridge to tomorrow
There's a bridge to the past
There's a bridge made of sorrow
That I pray will not last
There's a bridge made of color
In the sky high above
And I pray that there must be
Bridges made out of love
I can see him in the distance
On the river's other shore
And his arms reach out in longing
As my own have done before
And I call across to tell him
Where I believe the bridge must lie
And I'll find it
Yes I'll find it
If I search until I die
When the bridges is between us
We'll have nothing to say
We will run thru the sunlight
And he'll meet me halfway
There's a bridge made of color
In the sky high above
And I know that there must be

Bridges made out of love

 I like this song very much!~

*there were lots of bridges  i wish i could cross*

You came to my life
When I didn't know how love can change my thoughts
Had so many doubts
Because I heard you broke somebody's heart

You light up my days
And suddenly love has captured my heart
But my dreams were young
That's the reason why we fell apart


When your eyes met mine
I knew you were the one
And I hope that one day we will find us back to love

Believe in me...
Just hold on...

Someday we will find love 
Where there's no concealing 
Where we will shine, love
Where our hearts will take us in our journey to life

When your eyes met mine
I knew you were the one
And I hope that one day we will find us back to love

To love...

music and lyrics by:

Olivia (Gentle Jazz)

I now have goals and dreams about my tomorrow...but how can I know if those goals are the right goals or should I say the path that would lead me to God's great plan ?Am I going to the right way or should I go on a detour?

"Begin with the end in mind" is to begin today with the paradigm of the end of your life as frame of reference or the criterion by which everything else is examined. Each part of your life's today can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going so that you better understand where you are now so you can go to the right way towards the right direction. 

All things are created twice...There is a mental or first creation, then a physical or second creation where you make your plans into actions.

wow....I can not believe on what I have become now. It has really been a hell yeah of a ride!

I'm not as optimistic like this before,

I don't get along with people like this before,

I don't set my goals like this before,

I don't make decisions like this before,

I don't appreciate things and people  like this before,

I haven't loved myself  this much before,

I haven't prayed this much  before.

Indeed, great things will come, we just have to wait. Optimism blooms in the midst of pessimism. Changes will come after the crisis, because you will be much stronger and seasoned by time and experience!

More changes to come!

Since the beginning of my summer, I began to think about things that had happened to my life this past year.  The people that came and eventually went,the many unexpected things that i wasn't able to think that can happen,even in my imagination..though its hard, I had many realizations and acceptances about my short life here in earth. .

This year, im beginning my college life,more people to meet and more responsibilities await me. I became very busy about the field I chose but i think Im doing a great job in balancing my new friends, old friends, my family and studies.

I don't know if I'm late or now is just a right time for this, but its just now that I have made up my mind with my goals in life. My vision on what I want myself to look like in three months and for ten years. I realized that I must have short term and long term goals. The long term goals are some things big while the short term goals are what will keep you busy and excited everyday.

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"(Mark 8:36). For the last months I became an active prayer, everything I do, I make it sure that I am doing it with God. But these past few days are becoming worst and worst....One thing that I'm happy about what I have become now is that every thought becomes a cycle, I'll have a thought, then be negative about it but later on, learning that it has a purpose..so everything ends with a prayer now. 

though its hard living without you

and waking up is hard to do

from the dream i thought came true

im trying to make it through

here i am truly missing you

but what can i do? i have to

i have to do things on my own

earlier, i should've known

that we were not meant to be

and you were just defrauding me

now that the storms are over

and i am no more a sober

my sweetest revenge is to live merry

no matter how much you're sorry

the paradise lost is now found

happiness will soon come around

as i lay me down to bed at night

when no one is watching

there is this sadness that drowns my soul

anxiety that never stops till it reaches my bones

being all alone with no light scares me

becoming weak and vulnerable is all i can be

after a while, dusk comes

there goes the happy sun

bringing hope of the new tomorrow

it ends my emotions and sorrow

i can feel God's warmth and caress

through the beams of light before my eyes

after the night's despair

holding on to His promises is all that i can do

to make it through the night

and in mornings, ill delight!

FIRE.  We all tend to focus our energies on putting out the fire and making sure that it will never come back again. The harder we try, the more painful it is and at some point or another, a fire that has been put out instantly can spark again and become larger than it was before.

Sometimes, we realize that we have fallen into that same trap all over again, once is not enough for some so the past become their present.

Does it worth another shot or do we just let that little spark  be extinguished on its own forever?

The lessons from the past can make you stronger, so the next time you can encounter the same thing, you know what to do and handle it like a pro.

But the future is so uncertain, putting your hopes higher can make you fall deeper this time.

In this world, the hardest person to understand is YOURSELF.

It is what it is, it is not what you have planned, it is not what you want to happen but it is what it is. 

The future is so uncertain as we all say. We can never know what's in store for us.  Failures are common but it is when we fail that we actually learn. There are two kinds of approaches that people tend to make after failure. First is, doing the same thing but expecting a different result. And second, the "hopeless" approach, when all you can think to do is to  give up.

In Physics, "The strongest part of an object is at its weakest". Other people say that depending on God is a weak thing to do but when we realize how important He is  to our lives, not depending on Him is like saying that you don't need water or sunlight to live. There is no other way  but His way!

So, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO? 

God knows what to do when you don't. Always ask for His wisdom and when you find that wisdom that applies to your situation, you can depend on His way.

Truly, we can not do anything on the things that already happened because it is what it is. But it is our ways now that can change the future. No matter how hard it is, just Keep Breathing.:0

my fortress failed to protect me

leaving a weak and fragile body

still immensed with the promises you made

in my own blood i bathe

long, sleepless nights

nothing can soothe my weary mind

cant have fair decisions

silence can never answer my questions

just want the honest truth

'cause this burden has to know its root

photo by: nubar.com

a night sky filled with swirling clouds

stars ablaize with their own luminescence and abright crescent moon

below the rolling hills of the horizon lies a small town

there are structures in the distant lit up in a warm glow of light

there is no blue without yellow and without orange

"starry starry night"

for they could not love you

but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight

you took your life as lovers often do

but i could have told you,

Vincent

this world was never meant for one

as beautiful as you

I've seen the movie "Enchanted" last night...after i removed my ex's picture on my table...kinda sad but...a relief..perhaps..

To make the story short, Giselle,an otherworldly princess who falls to Earth met Robert, a divorce lawyer..

With her as a "happily ever after girl" and him being "all things must come to an end, forever is impossible man"...Surely, there would be a clash of ideas  between them.

The Disney movie,as expected, ended with a happily ever after with Robert realizing Giselle was his one great love. Putting mine and other girls'  hopes up.

but..

Truly, we can never know if there's a true prince charming for us or just silly men who'll break our hearts after we've done everything. 

Happily ever after???...Its rare but it can happen...

I know it will happen..

There was a family of bald eagles. When the eggs hatched, Mama and Papa Eagle were attentive to their offsprings, taking turns hunting for food and guarding the nest. But one day both parents disappeared. the eaglets have nothing to eat and no protection from bigger eagles...

Reframing the picture of the lonely and poor eaglets, the Mama Eagle was just at the  nearby branch watching over them.

Sometimes, we fear that God has abandoned us. Looking only at the nest with the eaglets proves that our visions are limited. And we only see a small part of the entire scene. 

In Deut. 32:7-12, Moses used the imagery to describe God. As eagles carry their young, God carries His people.  He will never abandon us, He is watching so we don't have to fear the dangers around us. 

since it became "you and i"
i knew every morning will have a sigh.
you break my heart everytime you don't come
but glue it all with your face so calm.
so tell me, how can i hate you honey?

i hope that "you and i"
could be a fairytale i always wish for
we never really became that strong,
but look, we haven't travelled that long

for now, "you and i" are separating ways,
but still having our invisible string
we're heading on the same direction
no matter what they say

ill never stop loving you,
ill just stop living for you
"i" will live my life for the mean time
its upto "you" to decide.

we can never know what lies ahead..

What if tomorrow never comes?

Have you danced like there's no tomorrow?

Have you kissed like there's no goodbye?

Have you laughed with tears in our eyes?

Have you prayed like no one's listening?

In Science, vaccines give the body a preview of a bacterium, virus, or toxin, allowing it to learn how to defend itself in advance. It provides immunity to the person.

Problems are like vaccines. They are God's trial for us.

Life on earth can be very brutal, you can feel that everything's crashing down before your very eyes, but NO,that's just how it is supposed to be.

Do not break, learn how to bend.  Bending doesn't mean you're changing or loosing, its accepting the present situation and making the most out of it. 

Everybody can do that, instead of drowning yourself into fear, sadness, revenge...always find a reason for everything. 

Be strong.We can bear everything with His help! (Josh. 1:9)

This is my first time to post a blog. hehe

this is a quote from my favorite medical drama, Grey's Anatomy

"We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. The expecteds just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives."

When we do things we must expect that everything can happen, must have plan A-Z if possible. As some people say, expect the worse case scenario. Expect to lose even you're wishing to win,  expect to fail when you want to pass and hope for forever but always put in your mind that everything must come to its end, not all things last. 

But what's good in expecting the unexpected?

Why would i hope for forever when i know its  impossible??

All I know is, there is only one being who knows what will happen to our lives. As my friend have said to me after my ex and i broke up...

Each of us has a different story and God is the writer. Whatever happens, all we can do is to let Him write every mishap, every heartbreak, every sorrow of our lives. After all we can really not do anything about it.  Im sure that He is a great writer. every story has its intro, climax and the happy ending. Let's just trust the "Author".