Saturday, September 19, 2009
I had a very long week, I even woke up today exhausted even after a good night's rest.
My parents started it off, they are reassuring a party for my debut if I'll just be keeping my good grades this semester, that is heck impossible since I think I am getting a 3 in "Fundamentals of Accounting" ...since when the Fundamentals became hard? Maybe, since I stopped studying...Whoa, maybe because I am still horrified with my past and became so apprehended on thinking about my future that I forgot my present. It seems like, they bumped my head and woke me up. I didn't want to be another disappointment for my parents who gave me everything I need. I don't want them to fell like they are a failure (because their words these past few weeks sound like implying that they feel like they are such). I began to crack my brains and wanted to take some actions. And I am sure, the party thingy is just a thing for them (even it is a big issue on me), they just used that to help me in my concentration. Then another mind bugger, .What if my best isn't good enough?I'm afraid of doing my best.. What if I studied the hell out and still got a 3, disappointed my parents and didn't got a party I always wanted? Is expecting the worse case scenario bad?..
It has been four consecutive days since my friends has been confiding me their problems. One got a family problem, that I think was just brought by high expectations and doubts between them, another has a problem in his studies (which I also has, so we compared notes), and last night, a friend of mine had a spiritual disturbance which upto now she can't figure out. My mom always reminds me that I must not be affected with my friends' problems because I got my fair share of them.. But even I am dead hungry or so tired that I want to lay in bed, I still try to listen to them and give my deepest and most sensible advices my brains could have. Maybe I had experienced that myself, I want to be that someone whom they can rely on through those tough times, because I know that when it's my turn, I can count on them, well, i am not expecting something in return but friends are supposed to be like that, right? Besides, their problems can be a tool for my enrichment too.
But even those days were agonizing, I just say to myself,.."I must offer every happiness and sorrow, victories and losses, every thought, and every action of my every second for the Glory Of God."