Tuesday, October 27, 2009

When I woke up this morning, some things are now different. My mom isn't yelling at me telling me to do things  or go up from bed atleast, my dad is sleeping wth us in our room leaving the master's bedroom empty,  I got a passing grade from my Accounting subject, I have a new schedule for this coming semester. Yeah, I can tell, a whole new bunch of stuff is going on.

I have been swimming deeper down under my self-made ocean  for a little while letting myself vulnerable until I drowned, I was horrified when I knew, I was leaving in the past. Past people and past events, I have let them conquer my life. I know it's a lame and absurd thing that I must end..I was drowned and merely awackened.

Till last night, I was my daddy's little princess and my mommy's baby, well I am not saying that their princess and baby is gone, but let's say, I'm different now. Experienced. Changed.

I already know how to dream, dream for the future,myself's betterment. The past doesn't stand a chance on holding me back anymore, goodbye my yesteryear. And now I can say, I'm very ecstatic to worry about today's problem that can affect my tomorrow!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

i go back and fourth

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way


 by Meredith Brooks.
"I don't know exactly who I am, and I am stilll finding it, what I know is who I am not" .As I watch 90210 last night, I was thrilled by Jessica Stroup's character.
Yes, I go back and fouth, but who cares, I am only 16! 

Sunday, October 18, 2009

still many miles to travel


I am a good girl,
I don't smoke, drink nor party all night long
 Simply living my life with solitariness,
And would like to keep it that way until I'm already successful
its what I enjoy at this point of my life
I believe that there is a time for everything
I am a good girl who believes that celebrating a debut
is what every girl should want
I love shopping with my mommy,
The shopping thing--can live without it
But I would die without my mom
 Always yielding at the brighter side of negative things
is my first response
Simple mishaps can't easily burst my bubble

I want to discover new horizons
that would fit my puny and little arms
I want to know what I want and remain firm on it.
basically, yes,
I am still finding my wings to fly
Surely, tough times will come
but I have no worries,
because I am armored with experiences and love

maybe, I am still in the making of becoming

Sunday, October 11, 2009

familiarity takes its toll

"Not all that glitters are gold, but maybe they are imperfect but not scraps."
When a person is put on the spotlight and enjoying the people's attention, it doesn't always mean that we can judge them.

 A friend of mine doesn't give a damn if people are throwing shits behind his back, maybe because that is his nature. He even once said that he doesn't care about people who criticize him but insted, he'll  focus more on the people who can appreciate his presence, I said, yes that's right but I asked him if being a popular guy especially not in the positive side doesn't bother him at all..obviously, he said no. Lately, I haven't heard much about him because we separated our ways since the end of our high school life. But now in college, people are still bragging about the scandals that he made or his wrong actions the whole time they knew him. I just say to them, "Yah, maybe he's not the perfect and most innocent guy but he doesn't give a damn so why not take care of your own craps before minding other people's." 

Studying in a big university back when I was in High School,  I've heard maybe the worst things 16 years old people can do (remains to your imagination because those are secrets I would like to keep with myself and those people involved )..and I found out that there are two types of high school junkies, the first is the salient and unbarred types who take responsibilities with their mistakes, I am not saying that that is the best thing to do but since the problem or instances are already there, they must be courageous enough to face the consequences. On the other hand, the those who are obscure and fades among the common, I hate them the most because they deny and fades that easy, as if nothing happened. 

Maybe my friend belongs to that first group. That friend of mine happened to be an ex lover. First I thought standing for him, that he is not really that bad as what my friends think, was just because I love him and he's my boyfriend but now that we're apart, I still take his side and be defiant against others. Yes, maybe he've hurt me but I think he is one of the most genuine person I've known. I symphatize with him because thinking about it, there are more batchmates who did worse than him, but still he was the only one who was taken noticed by inconsiderate people while others are unexposed and stayed in ther shells keeping their good records..I think that's unfair.

After realizing this, I became scared of the people around me, I don't know who are my real friends anymore but one thing's for sure, we must not judge others by heresays, let's see it ourselves . Catching people off-guard is the worst thing we can do. 

Thursday, October 8, 2009

haiku's and love

Memories lavished
fleeting across this jammed mind
in my long misty night 
I bid you goodbye
so long my wonderful love
at last peace has come

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Isn't it nice to have someone
          ..whom you know will answer your midnight calls?
          ..remember your birth date?..your favorite color?
           ..who take note of the things that you like the most?
          ..who will never  fail to wish you had a good night sleep in the mornings?

well..that's really nice but sometimes.."The love for the unfamiliar and unideal draw people to make strange decisions..".

And sometimes, even if that "perfect and ideal" someone is already in front of you, you switch the game and choose the uncommon one.

I don't like playing safe..

But what is happening now that is somehow pushing me to change my belief?
Yes, I chose the unfamiliar, I stood for what I know was right and would make me happy but it seems like I also chose to be hurt?
I don't know...
May God bless me....

Thursday, October 1, 2009

change has come

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
-Anatole France 
Seems like my eyes are blinded in this paradox 
And am really crippled by what this life has to offer.  
Cognizances brought poignancy to my simple mind
Sudden delusion strikes my bones, and now I am breakable
This absurd feeling must end, don't wanna be desolated,
Yes, solitariness is my comfort  but upto what extent?

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