Monday, March 22, 2010
I know it has been a while since my last post, it’s just that my life is turning upside down these past few weeks.
Now I understand that, the more you go deeper in your faith, the more problems you’ll have. Sometimes, I think that it is too much for me to handle but come to think of it, these burdens maybe more than I would like to bear but less than I can take, I know im strong, I can get through this. I just don’t know when.
MOTIVES, we can never tell a person’s motives until and unless we’re in that person’s shoes or at least read minds. No one really knows what is going on a person’s mind when he\she does things. We can neither say its good nor bad. And, it is excruciating to know that the people who don’t know you can easily judge you, I never knew how hard it was until I experienced it myself.
I have no problem in getting over little fights with my sisters, but then, it is very painful to me that they actually think that I have no concern at all for our family. Im 17, I know things, I’m not a little girl anymore who just eat and sleep at our house. Atleast, I should have a say on what’s going on our household, especially, our mom is not around for quite some time. The only thing I wanna say, and I haven’t said this one, I wish they can realize that I also think for the betterment of everybody. And I am tired of showing them my brave face when actually, I’m breaking inside every time that we fight. Besides, they don’t know how hard it is to just be still and witness the changes in their lives, their decisions as well as the pressure of not redoing their mistakes.
I know, things will definitely not be the same again, but I miss the old times, I miss it when we were all just studying and dependent to our parents. Now, everybody’s movin out of the house and starting a new life, I feel for my parents, it’s as if, they’re leaving the three of us already.
So I guess I’ll have to plan my debut by myself. It’s sad but challenging. It’s very ironic that I want to be independent but also dependent at some point. I can’t even figure it out myself.
This summer, I want to earn my own money (I hope I can find a way how to) so that I can prove to my family and the people, that I can get things done with my own efforts with no one backing me up. Also, I want to bond with my old friends and have a time of our lives.
I MISS MY FRIENDS, I MISS MY MOM, I MISS IT WHEN I DON’T CARE ABOUT THINGS.